Daily Laugh!

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Now for today's jokes!!!!!!!!


A man walks into a dentist's surgery.

"How much do you charge for a wisdom tooth to be removed?"
"I'm not paying that much! Can't you do it for less?"
"Well...if I don't use anaesthetic I could lower it to 70."
"That's still too much."
"OK...if I don't use any electricity and I just pull it with a 
pair of pliers that'll cost 20."
"Nope - still too much."
"Right, I suppose I could get a student in - he could do it with 
no anaesthetic and with pliers and that will only be 5."
"Brilliant! Book the wife in for Monday!"


There was an alien couple and a human couple,  they all got 
together and decided to see what it would be like to have sex
with each others partners.The human wife and the alien husband
went off together.....

They ended up at a hotel and the alien guy drops his pants,  
and boy is he ready....all 2 inches of him.  Well,  the human
lady told him that she really didn't think that this would work 
out, that he was just entirely too small.  Well,  the alien says, 
Watch this.  He proceeds to smack himself in the forehead and 
wouldn't you know it,  he penis grows four inches,  
the human lady tells him - That's nice,  but I still don't think
it will work. So he hits himself in the head a couple more times 
and before to  long,  his penis is twelve inches long.  That's 
fine and dandy she tells him,  but it's still only a half an inch 
thick...So the alien starts tugging on his ears and with each tug 
his penis grows wider and wider till the human lady just can't 
stand it any more and they have a fun filled night of sex.

The next day they trade partners again and the human husband asks 
his wife, well,  how was it?  She tells him it was the best sex 
she's ever had,  it was awesome.  The wife asks the husband how 
it went with having sex with an alien woman,  he said,  well,  it 
was kind of weird,  all night long she kept hitting me in the 
head and tugging on my ears!!!


During a routine physical, a doctor tells his patient to drop his 
pants. After the examination, the doctor says to the man, "You 
have the filthiest balls I've ever seen!" 

The guy goes home to his wife and says, "I want to talk to you 
about something." 

She replies, "Not now, I've been so busy lately that I haven't 
had time to wipe my arse!" 

He says, "That's what I want to talk to you about." 


There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters. 
Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure 
everything was all right. 

One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter 
coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a 
while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he 
could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this 
time of the night. 

When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear 
her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided 
to ask her tomorrow and continued. 

There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's 
room, and he then went to bed, satisfied. 

The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast 
table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing 
last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?" 

She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone 
was making me happy..." 

He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, 
why was that?" 

She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone 
was making me hurt..." 

He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from 

She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth 


A man went into a chemists looking for condoms. Unfortunately he 
didn't know what size to get. The pharmacist asks him, 'Would you 
like to find what size you are, Sir?' 

The guy agrees and the pharmacist leads him into a room with a 
board. The board has many differently-sized holes in it. The 
pharmacist leaves, allowing the guy some privacy to match up his 
dick with the right hole. 

Three hours have gone by and the pharmacist wonders what is 
taking so long. So, he knocks on the door and sees if the guy is 
alright. The guy says, "Forget the condoms, I think I'll take the 


Wishing you a great day!

Best Regards

Chris x